Football in thong

An other piece of my masculinity has been taken away by Mistress yesterday as i was ordered to play football by wearing my sexy white thong. The actual humiliation started even before the kick off as hoping to catch Mistress in a very good and mercy mood, i asked Her is i had to wear the thong also while i was playing. At worst i was expecting a "yes you have to" answer but Mistress had more in store for me. She asked me what i was thinking about it. This put me in a loss-loss situation. i knew what Mistress wanted and i knew that my opinion/answer would count for nothing so i knew that i had to say YES, i will wear the thong but at the same time saying that will mean that i will inflict this upon me by myself. It was a quite excruciating humiliation experience as Mistress didn't let it go until i submitted and bend my will once again to Her power. i had to admit that i had to wear the thong as this was the bet and there was "nothing wrong" with that. That exchange of messages and test of willpower (or lack of it from my side) will keep me company for along time.
As for the match itself, it wasn't too bad. Yes i had to make sure that i got ready while there were no other people around and although my shorts were quite long i was constantly worrying that my thong could be visible while i was running or kicking the ball. More than usual, i was also trying to avoid any nasty crash as for sure i didn't want to be taken to an hospital in my thong....... i don't think that i could have handle my friends and the doctors face as they were removing my thong......... Thanksfully, nothing nasty happened and my cock/balls and asshole where the only one to suffer together with my dignity. The thong itself is not uncomfortable as i am now getting more and more used to wear them all day long but they are made for girls and not to hold my cock and balls in place. i am not that big but my private parts were still getting trapped in the thong elastic band causing me quite a bit of discomfort. I had to "adjust myself" quite often. The string across my asshole wasn't too bad and i could even forget about it most of the time during the game only to remind me the humiliation position i was in when the game went quite.
i still cannot believe that i have played a game of football with my friend wearing a pair of thong........if only they knew about it.

The dog leash

Finally recovering after a nasty cold/flu that kept me in bed (and not in a nice way) for the whole week-end. Still not sure what happened but i have spent the last few days with terrible headaches and cough, completely drained. As a result my mind wasn't concentrating so much on my lack of orgasm (nearly 60 days now........ unbelievable) and indeed action as my next stroking is still very far away. i wasn't also able to chat or communicate with Mistress much and i was very sad about it. Thankfully, Mistress understood my situation and i was dispensed from blogging. i kept wearing my things even when i went to see the doctor. i must say that i did think about removing them for the visit as i was afraid i had to strip for a reason or an other but then i realised that chances to strip in this occasion at the doctor were low and even if that would happen.......... it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just some extra humiliation which i am sure i deserve for all the times i have left Mistress down. Anyway, nothing happened and nobody still knows that i daily wear sexy thongs........

i am back at work now and feeling already much better especially because i was able to chat with Mistress again. i must however report of a point which i have been thinking a lot on Sunday. i suppose it was natural that not feeling well, my lust and desire to serve would also decrease and although that made harder to obey Mistress rules, my desire for stroking or an orgasm was also low so i suppose the two things balanced themselves out. But i was expecting to be completely back in my submode once i started to feel better and i must confess that this is not the case. 3 days without the constant check of Mistress over me, without Her powerful breath over my neck and i already feel less submitted. i haven't disobeyed any of Mistress orders, not taking advantage of my still poor health to be lazy and i am still very much captured by Mistress personality and power but i do feel that a few days without a constant reminded that i am a slave in training made me less determined to improve and be a good slave. This morning chat with Mistress seems to have re-established the right order of things as i feel now again frustrated with my lack of sexual activities, humiliated by a strong and powerful Lady who i wish i could worship the ground She walks on. i am sure Mistress will find the way to tie the leash that has gone a bit loose in the last few days and push me into new submissiveness........ and i cannot wait for this. i am happy to feel better but more importantly i am happy to feel under Mistress power and control again.

I did it again !

it is a sad blog as i have to report that once again i have left Mistress down. i have forgot to follow a simple instruction such as blogging once again despite having the time and opportunity to do it. Why? Simply because i am not a good slave. Clearly i am still having difficulties in following orders especially when i don't like them. it is something that i recognise is lacking in me as a slave and i really wish i could change, be trained, learned to do it. Obviously wanting this is not enough as i keep slacking when i have the chance. Having Mistress to control and check on me (this is my first real experience with a woman having so much control and check on me) is definitely pushing me in the right direction. My only experiences with Mistress so far where with occasional professionals and at most 1 night events. In such circumstances there wasn't much chance for me not to follow orders (whatever i like them or not). Once i was back into my routine and life without a Mistress to check on me........ i could pretty much do whatever i wanted. i am now learning that if i want to be a good slave i need to ..... follow orders. As simple as that. i need to do what i am told. i need to learn that and be good at that. Mistress punishments will definitely push me in the right direction too as Mistress can be very strict and severe when needed. i know that She doesn't forget and there is no chance in talking Her out of it. She is also a smart woman and i cannot foll Her. As i am appreciating this i now know that there is no way around. Again, i need to do as i am told, no other way. The punishments inflicted as harsh and i got the feeling that they are escalating in intensity as now 3 more points have been deducted from my bonus (i was at 9 and now at 4.......this is nearly bringing tears to my eyes) and i blow my chance of an orgasm........ Hell knows when it will be next. A part from letting Mistress down and the punishment that i will have to deal with, i need to find a way to motivate me to follow orders when i don't like them. i suppose, practise will make me improve like for everything and as we go along my commitment is stronger and more and more sincere. i really hope i can show that to Mistress. i know that i shouldn't look at the good things that i have done as they may sound like excuses but it is a way to remind me that i am progress in the right direction (although taking some steps back occasionally). i did buy 6 pair of thong (i have never ever bought women clothes for me before and i didn't particularly enjoyed it doing it) and i am wearing them day and night constantly (although it was exciting initially, i am now left with discomfort and unpracticality for more than a month). i know they are only small things and i shouldn't blow my own trumpet but i hope these are signs of my commitment and will motivate me to improve as i indeed like when i am controlled by Mistress and when i can make Her happy and proud of me.

Being a whore

Just when i thought that i had reached the rock bottom, Mistress finds the way to push me a little be more and make me experience new level of submission. In the last couple of days being able to serve Mistress via webcam has really made a big difference and somehow reducing the distance problem. Being ordered live through the webcam and moreover performing for Mistress on webcam has provided Mistress a new better way to express Her power over me ....... and as a consequence i have felt like a whore like never before in my life. There have been several episodes that have highlighted my submission condition and the fact that i am indeed her bitch. First of all is the fact that i am indeed at Her beck and call. It has happen now 2 times already that i was busy doing something or indeed sleeping when Mistress buzzed me and i had to leave enery thing and run to answer Her call, reporting to Her and performing for Her just like a whore or better a monkey. Although though, it is such a rush to be waken up by Mistress buzz, to jump out of bed straggling to open my eyes and walk but happy that Mistress has time and willingness to see me, chat with me, use me for Her amusement. Never experienced something like that before and it is indeed what i dreamed real slavery to be all about. Similarly, i was ordered to leave the webcam on to have Mistress watching me while i sleep in my sexy thong. i still cannot believe it that i was showing Her how i was sleeping in my sexy thong. it was an incredible rush and soooooooooo humiliating.

The second point was the performances that i have been ordered to do for Her on cam. i was ordered to fuck my ass with the butt plug but manually without the vibrating bullet. This is again a typical example of the way Mistress continuously affirms Her power over me. It is not just the physical discomfort of having to fuck myself (the butt plug is not that big but it still hurts when it goes in the first time) and the humiliation act of pushing something up my ass while showing it to a Lady for Her amusement, but also the fact that Mistress ordered me to do it manually without the vibrating bullet that somehow i am very curious to try. It is a bit like no touching my cock. i know it is there, i would love to grab it, use it, see how it feels like it but Mistress doesn't let me do it. She just teases me with the but plug or sexy talk to make me think about my cock and the bullet but prohibits me to use them. Such a mind blowing torture that continuously reaffirms who is in charge. i had also the opportunity to stroke for Mistress. Finally a few seconds (i don't think i actually reached 1 minute) of stroking action supervised by Mistress. A part from the very short length of it, the fact that i had to let it go when she said it... immediately... it was like putting a clear stamp on my mind that i belong to Her in body and soul. There is now no mistake: I AM HER BITCH !!

The little stroking also teased me enough to make me remember that i am now at day 53..... i guess it is my new record and my balls are red and swollen......... i need to release some cum and i would do anything for being milked. Taking advantage of the webcam option i am ready to spank myself as much and as hard as Mistress directs me to do it or maybe slap my balls and perform any thing She wishes (lick my own cum, post orgasm torture with the bullet, milking with bullet......) just to release some of the cum in my balls.

Plugged

Today is plug day. Not sure what is in store for me but i know that today is the day that i will regret to squeeze my cock against Mistress orders. As ordered i have purchased a butt plug and the experience itself was humiliating. i have been in a sex shop before but this time i was there to buy a butt plug for myself and somehow i was very nervous like everyone else knew what i was after. i had a quick look around and found some huge butt plugs. They were indeed scary. i could probably have inserted one of those (i mean the small of those in display) up my ass but definitely not been able to keep it up there for more than a few minutes. i went over and over all the butt plugs in display trying to somehow discover a small one, one that looked comfortable and small enough for me but with no luck. Eventually after a few minutes the shop assistant approached me offering his help. He was a gay guy which of course understood why i was in that section of the shop. i wished it was a lady but a guy was even more humiliating. i know that Mistress wanted me to buy the butt plug and i wasn't going to let Her down. In a normal circumstance, i would have declined his help and eventually walked away from teh shop with no plug. BUT I HAD TO GET A PLUG. so i bite my lips and asked for a small butt plug. You should have seen the smile on his face....... how humiliating. Anyway, he did help me and got a couple of small butt plugs. A red one and blue one. Similar size, about 10cm long and 2 cm smallest diameter (that is 4 inches long and 0.5 inch diameter). The blue plug was interesting as it has an electric device attached to it and the guy offered to show me how it works. No no inserting it up his ass (or worst mine) but simply opening the box. It basically has a silver bullet which vibrates and is attached to a remote control. the bullet can be inserted in the butt plug so to provide "... endless anal fun" that is what it says on the box. As it was possible to use the plug by itself, i went for the blue one. i was very happy as i left the shop and wanted to try it as soon as possible. But Mistress orders were clear and i had to wait until this morning. i am now writing it well plugged. It was realtively easy to insert the plug (well lube) and the thong is keeping it well in place. i must say that the plug looked big initially but as i inserted it sort of easy up my ass i though that i had probably better go for a bigger one. However, as i am writing this blog i can feel my asshole stretching and a mild buring/itching all around it. i am constantly aware of the butt plug up my ass, stretching me and reminding me of what a slut i am. The thought of having to wear it for at least next 4-5 hours is the real torture now. i am also very worry as i am in public at work. i hope that nothing make it obvious or that the plug doesn't come out. So the uncomfortable feeling, the humiliation, the worrying..... i guess that is all part of the punishment. i am sorry Mistress. i am so sorry i have disobeyed You.

The butt plug

Today i have been instructed to buy a butt plug which will initially be used as a punishment tool for squeezing my cock a couple of times a few nights ago. Although i have taken strap on (up to 8") up my ass, i have never worn a butt plug. Not only i have never inserted one up my ass but also i have never worn it for extended length of times and moreover under my clothes during everyday life. i must say that i am a bit nervous about it and worrying. i know it is a punishment and as such the sort of fear that i have means that it is indeed a great punishment as i will now really think carefully before disobeying a Mistress order again. As a matter of fact i have barely touched my cock when i have to go to the toilette since the squeezing incident and i intend to leave it alone until Mistress instructs me otherwise. i have searched the net for prolonged butt plug wearing and as usual there is all sort of report. In general things seems quite easy and straight forwarded providing that a sort of training and gradual increase in size and time of wearing is respected and i am sure Mistress is well aware of that and She will push me as much as i should be pushed in a safe and healthy way. There were however a couple of reports that sort of worried me a bit. One was concerning about a possible "loss" of the butt plug in the anal cavity. i think that this is quite extreme but nevertheless the only thought of having a butt plug stuck up my ass and having to ask for medical attention is frightening. i will have to take extra care the first time i play with the butt plug to make sure that this cannot happen. There are then the usual concern about damage to the intestine but unless i get a huge plug i should be on the safe side. Finally, there was the concern that prolonged time may relax my anal muscles too much. Initially i though that this is exactly what a butt plug should do and it is a perfect toy to make a slave into a proper whore/slut. Personally i think that i am quite dilated down there as although i don't play often with my ass i can usually accommodate good size objects .....with pain. Not sure what a permanently relaxed anus will look like or cause but the idea of being permanently damaged is not appealing. Anyway, these are just some of my worrying as i have never experienced the butt plug before. i am sure that Mistress will direct me properly and push once again my boundaries making me a better slave. Like everything regarding Mistress, i am torn by the fear of the pain, humiliation and discomfort produced by the butt plug and the excitement of trying yet again a new thing. As a punishment device, the only idea has been enough to make me stay away from my cock (although it is more the fact that i felt shit having disappointed Mistress that gave me extra strength and willingness in refraining myself from touching) and i have yet to experience the humiliation to buy the butt plug and of course inserting it. Not sure what Mistress has in store for me today or indeed in the next days, nor i know how long the punishment will last but i know that i will regret that squeeze. i am now off to but the butt plug. Undecided about the colour and size but i will have to choose between what available. i really hope that there will be a lady in the shop so that maybe i could try to ask her advice......

August no no

46 days since my last orgasm and moreover today is the 1st of September which means that i haven't had an orgasm at all for the month of August. i am pretty sure this is the first time that i go for a whole month without a single orgasm since i discovered masturbation as a teenager. The more i think about it the more i get frustrated and desperate to cum. Recently i have been very busy thinking about the thongs that i was wearing and moreover as to be a better slave for Mistress despite the distance but today the chastity is really taking a toll on me. As i have experienced before, the chastity cause sort of waves of frustrations in me. There will be up and downs, moments in which i cannot think of anything else but cuming and times in which i even forget i have a cock. i assume that is sort of tied with the physiology of sperm production. As my balls get fuller and fuller, the need no sorry the desire (a slave as no needs) to cum drives me crazy but then eventually my body expel or absorb the sperm and my frustration level goes back. Anyway i am feeling i am reaching the peak and it would be great if i could at least get some stroking action going soon. i am still at 6 points (and nearly got them all wiped out) so there would be at least 4 more days before i can touch my cock..........Hope i can make it for this week-end.
Anyway, back to the chastity, 46 days is very close to my personal record of 49 which Mistress took me previously and i wonder what She may have in mind for me this time. We did chat a bit about post orgasm torture and i can tell you that i am getting quite desperate enough to accept some post orgasm torture but unfortunately i know that i am too weak to do that to myself............ so what i could offer Mistress is some severe ball slapping during and after masturbation if She would ever allow me to do it....... Anyway, i am not even allowed to beg so i hope this blog will not turn to bite me in the ass............

Strap on

After three days without blogging (i am very sorry about that and thanks God Mistress has been very understanding and no punishments have been dished out for this), i was thinking about a good subject for my next blog. Something that would keep Mistress amused and entrained and hopefully gain me a few extra bonus points and i am getting VERY desperate now for a bit of action around my cock (but i am not allowed to complain so i'll stop here). So thinking about what Mistress may i like, i remember that Mistress has recently send me a couple of clips of Mistresses fucking their slaves with a strap on and as my asshole is constantly teased my the thongs and as seen no action for a long time (i was last fucked up the ass by a black 8" strap on about a years ago or more)........... i thought that i would make this blog all about the mighty STRAP ON.
i genuinely believe that the strap on is the ultimate tool for a Mistress to inflict pain and punishment although i do understand (and i agree) that this may bring pleasure to the slave too. i guess it all depends on how it is used. Ages ago i remember watching a clip about a Mistress fucking a slave with a reasonable size strap on..........dry, without any lube. i am not sure if it was a fake but the guy face was really the picture of pain as Mistress was slowly pushing the cock in his asshole. i very well remember how it did not slide it but it was really rubbing against the asshole of the poor slave. i like to be taken by a strap on but i bet that would have hurt a lot and definitely not being a nice experience for the slave. There is also the humiliation part of the process. Being taken up the ass for a guy is probably the ultimate humiliation (and i guess that is what makes strap on also exciting for slaves like me) but then again humiliation can be pushed so far that is actually uncomfortable for the slave making the fucking a punishment and not a reward. Again one of Mistress recent videos was showing a slave fucked outdoors by two Mistresses one of which was forcing the slave to scream like a pig which in turns made both Mistresses laugh a lot. Being taken with a strap on while forced to do something not particularly enjoyable or in a very humiliating situation (like head stuck in the toilette, talking on the phone with an other man, fucked in front of other girls or even men) may take the pleasure a slave receive from a strap on action away from him. In general, however, i like strap on as it is the ultimate submission and the clear evidence that my ass belong to Mistress to do as She pleases.
Having been for more than 45 days without an orgasm and 10 days without a single stroke, i would settle for an ass fuck just to feel getting close to the orgasm again. i must confess that i have never been able to cum by being assfucked and actually not even being milked by prostate massage alone. Sure the strap on brings me very close and even on the edge........ but i still need something else to cum. Unfortunately, i don't have a butt plug or a strap on but i am seriously considering carots and bananas........... if Mistress gives me permission. i cannot believe what Mistress has me to do: beg to fuck my own asshole........ This is indeed a sign that i have given up any chance of an orgasm....

Anyway, i would like to conclude this blog with a brief description of the last time i was ass fucked. It was a prostitute, not even a professional Mistress as i couldn't find one, and i was desperate to feel a women power over me, humiliated and abused. Thinking that she wasn't used to domination and looking quite sweet, i did tell her not to stop despite my begging as i was convinced i could take it and my previous experienced told me that the begging actually works even with a strict professional Mistress. She didn't waste any time and told me to get undressed and bend over the bed while she prepared the dildo. Before i knew it she started to push that black dildo up my ass without many compliments. As i was moving a bit too much for her liking, she grabbed my balls from behind my legs and pulled them back forcing me to keep my ass well exposed and still so that she could ram her dildo in it. The ball pulling and the size of the dildo were hurting me. Although it wasn't as comfortable as i was dreaming, it was still ok but i couldn't stop screaming and begging her to stop so she put her foot on my head pushing it down on the pillow and all this while pulling my balls back and pushing that dildo deep inside me. It all lasted a good 10-15 minutes after which i was made to masturbate on my knees at her feet. Since then, i got more interested in chastity and sort of forgot a bit about strap on untill Mistress has started to send me clips of slaves being fucked. Now i wish i coiuld bend over for Mistress to push my sexy thong on a side and make me Her bitch.

Poisoned

My slave life recently has been............well fantastic.
Since Mistress has agreed to give a second chance and see if i indeed have learned from my mistakes and can improve enough to be worthy of serving Mistress and somehow amuse and please Her.....i have discovered new submissiveness levels that i never imagined.
It has only been a week since i have been again under Mistress power but i have already been pushed deep into subspace and hope i have amused Mistress a little bit. Not sure if its the over 40 days without an orgasm, the prolonged lack of any sexual touch of my cock, the wearing of the laced thong or (most likely) Mistress personality, but i cannot stop thinking about Her. My mind is constantly thinking about way i could please Her, how i could show Her that i am worthy of Her, what can i do to please and amuse Her. i wish indeed that i could be closer and be of some real life use from running some errands, to house chores, massaging Her at the end of the day or present my ass for a good spanking or even a harsh strap on session. i have to stop my mind from dreaming and bring it back on earth where i am far away from the Lady i wish to serve and worship every second of my life. i guess that is why i feel "poisoned" by Mistress personality and power. She got under my skin and combined to Her strict but fair power...........well She is indeed moulding me.

Today is day 41 withount an orgasm and this morning i was nearly in tears as i really really wanted to stroke it. i think i could hear my cock crying for attention as it was bright red and pulsing. i didn't even touched it. As a matter of fact i even went to the toilette like a girl (also the thong don't help in this) sitting on the toilette and lowering my half hard cock. i really feel like i am getting close (very close to my limits) and i need to release some cum but both my stroking permission and moreover milking time are far away..........orgams then....... is light years away. i know well that i have screw things up in the past when i was allowed to orgasm and i know that Mistress is aware of that and has a well set up plan to correct this bad habit of mine. All this means that i probably will never have an orgasm again......at least not a fully free one. This is a thought that i have been trying to push away from me but the reality is slowly sinking in and the idea of never ever experiencing a full orgasm where i am in complete control is both killing and exiting me. i just have to wait and discover what Mistress has in store for me. i completely trust Her and She know best.......i am a better man and a better slave when She in control so i shoudl stop thinking about this and just do as i am told concentrating on Her pleasure and amusement instead of my cock and blue balls. And that is what i intend to do.
So how else can i please my Mistress? Blogs, flowers and pictures are delivered to Her daily but i want to do more. Unfortunately being so far away is very limiting but i'll make this my priority for the week-end: finding an other way to please and amuse Mistress. Maybe even asking suggestions on forums and other femdom blogs that i follow.

1st Panty Day

Today i worn girl panties (a black lace thong to be precise) for the whole day.
It was the first time i had worn girl panties and it was mind and body blowing. The thong was a bit too small for me so it felt extra uncomfortable and i was aware of it for every second of my day. In particular the little string up my ass was tormenting my asshole at every movement rubbing it up and down, pinching it, teasing it. It was a slow and constant torture especially as i am not allowed any stroking or touching. It was like being teased 24h/day. And then there was the psychological aspect of going around dressed like a sissy. i know that nobody could see or understand what i was going through but it was nevertheless humiliating. As i was talking to people, friends, colleagues, my mind was constantly thinking of their reaction if they knew what i was wearing under my pants. Especially when i was talking to ladies, i felt very humble. Wearing panties is definitely an extra step Mistress pushed me into submission. When i have those sexy thongs on, i feel even more submissive towards women and more likely to do everything i can to please them.......whatever they know of my submissive attitude (as Mistress) or they don't in which case i am simply extra polite to them.
The day went very well as i spent most of the time chatting with Mistress and the thong torture was like inflicted by Her direct hands. The pictures that i had to take as proof for Mistress were also an interesting thing to do. i had to basically choose the right time to go to the toilette and eventually wait until i was alone to pull down the pants and take snap shots of my sexy panties. Although sort of locked in, i was still very nervous about anybody coming in and finding me in panties........i better not think about it. My cock was also very uncomfortable as it hardly fitted into the tiny pants. Everytime i go a little bit excited, my cock head got trapped in the thing elastic band and sort of squashed a bit which was often uncomfortable but ost of the time exciting as that is the more action that my cock has seen in weeks. Both my balls were also squashed and i could only fit one ball in the panties which meant that i had a loose ball banging on my pants all the time. The evening was slightly better maybe because i am already getting used or maybe because in the conform of my home i could more freely and find better positions. However the night was a torment again. A part from my usual horney feelings which at night time seems to reach new heights (if i will ever be around Mistress at night time, i think i could actually cry trying to convince Her that i need an orgasm), the thong by now were really rubbing against my cock, balls and asshole. It took me a good while to go to sleep and push away any sex thoughts that i had in my mind. In particular i kept thinking about Mistress picture. I really really liked it. I love the shape of Her eyes and Her look of superiority and strict but fair which means business and doesn't allow any crap. Her lips then..... i think i better not comment on the rest of my thoughts or i can be in trouble again but Her lips are soooooooooo sexy !!! I woke up this morning and the first thing i did was to try a new pair of thong. The one I bought yesterday are a size larger and they fit better. Now my cock (when soft) and balls are all inside the panty and the little string at the back although rubbing and teasing my asshole it doesn't burn. It looks like it will be a better day and i am really becoming a sissy.

Overall, i am happy to have please Mistress in everything she has asked so far. i bought the right panties and worn them as required. i have now got 6 more pair of thongs (i will tell more about them in the next blog) as i will be wearing thong for a long time. For 2 months at least and possibly more if i don't please Mistress as is my duty. i may well say good buy to the boxers as i am not sure i will ever want to go back in them after 2 months of thong. It will be interesting to see how i feel after such a long time in girl panties.
Anyway, that was day 1...........and here i am again in a new pair of thong, red ones.

Panties

It has only been 3 days since i am back under Mistress control and She has already broke an other taboo for me. Not sure why as i am pretty sure i have never mentioned this secret fantasy of mine, but Mistress decided that it was time for me to experience with girl panties. So i was first ordered to buy two pair of panties specifically a black and a pink one, a thong and a bikini. When i read Mistress orders i was half shocked and i tried to imagine how, where, when i could do this. It doesn't matter how much i was telling myself that people wouldn't care what i was doing, my heart and mind was telling me the opposite.........as everyone was looking at me and know exactly what i was doing and why. That was enough to make me blush. Anyway, i had to obey so i forced myself to go to the local superstore and without thinking twice i went straight for the lady's department and started to browse through bras and panties. i could feel my heart beating fast for the humiliation expecially when i cross the eyes with a couple of ladies. There weren't many pink panties (i guess they are too embarrassing for ladies too........) so i picked up the only one i could find. Not very sexy, big pink bikini panties with black laces around. I then went for the black thong. there were a few but all very small and all very sexy. i picked one which is a see through with a couple of pink ribbons on it. By that time i was in deep subspace and didn't care much about people as i went to pay and i decided to go to the till where there was the youngest lady. She seem to take ages to scan the two panties and opening them. She must have noticed that they were different size and so different style which surely understood that i was doing something strange but she did not look at me in the eyes. i was sort of disappointed...... but happy to have shopped for my first pair of panties.

Once home, i had a few things to attend with family and friends but my mind was always at the panties as i couldn't wait to try them on. Finally, i got some time for myself and i start admiring the panties. i realize that the black thong is extremely small while the pink bikini is probably too big. i guess Mistress will have to teach me properly to shop for girl clothes. Wouldn't it be great if one day we could go together and even ask a lady shop assistant to help us.......... i cannot even imagine the humiliation. Anyway, i first tried the black thong and as expected it is very small. i had to wiggle my way in but i did it. pulled the thong all the way up my ass and felt so sexy but my balls and half hard cock could hardly be in. i played around a bit but i couldn't fit them properly or feel comfortable in them so it was a bit of relief when i got them off after taking pictures for Mistress. Next were the pink biking and they felt good: soft, big, comfortable. i guess Mistress has a bit of work to do to make me a sexy sissy instead of a lazy comfortable one. i now appreciate the work and trouble that women go through to look sexy and i think it is only fair that i learn and experience it too. Hope Mistress will make ma a very sexy sissy one day..........

i am now at work wearing the sexy black thong under my pants. They are quite tight but not as uncomfortable as i remember (i guess i am learning fast to be a sissy). The little black thong is all the way up my ass and at every movement is teasing my asshole. i feel so horney and my cock is always half hard and hardly in the panties. i hope i don't start leaking (it has been 12 days since my last milking) or i will have a wet patch on my pants......... i am constantly aware of what i am wearing (but hopefully no body else is) as i often wiggle a bit to get more conformable but without letting people around notice. It is only been a few hrs but my asshole is on fire......... but i have the feeling that i will be wearing them quite often so i better stop complaining and get used to it.........

Under control again

i woke up this morning with the usual huge hard on (it is now 38 days since my last orgasm and more than a week since i released some cum from my balls which by the way have a nice shade of blue........) but something was different. It was the feeling of being owned again. i know that i still have to earn Mistress trust and probably at this stage i am not even in a trial period but most likely just in a limbo waiting for Mistress to make Her own mind to whatever or not to give me a second chance. i well know that and of course i haven't forgotten that i have so badly fucked this up and i will soon or later have to pay for it. But now i am just so happy to have the chance of chatting with Mistress again, admire Her style and worship Her as much as i can for far away. it is heaven to have a Lady like Her to report to, to depend from, to obey, to learn from, to listen to, to please, to serve and worship. Once again, i am not in control of my cock (not even a stroke this morning despite the frenetic pulsing and rock hard feeling), no idea of what to expect today, tomorrow and next week and moreover not a clue of when i will be able to stroke my cock again and experience an orgasm. That is the way i should live my life !! Somehow these thoughts made a little easier to deal with my raging hard on and get on with my life. Thank You Mistress.

The fuck up

First post of the new series as.........well yes i fucked up.
Despite having found a wonderful Lady, perfect in every meaning of the word, the superior Lady which i have always dreamt of (authoritarian, strict but fair, with sense of humour, understanding but inflexible, with experience and who genuinely enjoy Her using and controlling a man), i managed to ruin it all. Everything was perfect, She had took complete control of my orgasms and my dick telling me every day what i should do and what i wasn't allowed to do. i had no voice and no idea of what Her plans and intentions were. It may sound like hell but that was what i have been looking for and i loved every minute of it. I also had a chastity belt and i was very much looking forward to use it. Mistress however granted me permission to orgasm as many times as i wanted after over a month of chastity and before i was to lock myself in the belt. i remember that night clearly as i masturbated all night long. i must have cum 7-10 time.... i genuinely lost count of it. i fell asleep exhausted with cum all over my cock, legs and stomach. When i was up next morning not just my libido was gone but also my desire to serve. i felt drained and moreover disinterested in locking myself again in the chastity program under Mistress control. Although i respected Mistress very much i couldn't force myself to go back to Her and moreover to talk to Her. i was so "over all this" than i even throw away the chastity belt (£100 for 2 days of play).

i have been an ass for several reasons.
First and foremost, i acted as a rude asshole. i still cannot believe that i didn't even contacted and discussed all this with Mistress. That was unforgetable and deserved the harshest of punishments. i do worship the woman gender and i am still shocked that i act like that towards Mistress. i will never forget myself and no punishment will ever be enough for the pain caused to Her.
Second, if i only think about how long i have been searching for a Mistress like that, how many times i have been disappointed, dumped, hurt........... how could i let a Lady like that go actually pushing Her away? That is the ultimate idiotic thing i could do.


As time went by, i slowly but surely realised what i did, what a mistake and how much pain and trouble i had caused. i am still ashamed of myself and upset with myself. The only explanation that i may have is that the emotional up and down of a long chastity together with a night of free orgasm drove me crazy. To me this is the ultimate proof that i am not worthy of my cock. i should not be in control of it as i am a much better person/slave when a Lady is in control of it and tells me what to do, when and how. Not sure if this means that i shouldn't be allowed to orgam ever again (hope not) but clearly i should be let in total control as i may do/say things that i will than regret but moreover may hurt people.

It seems that Mistress may give me a second chance. We have started to talk again and i am determined to do what it takes to win back Her trust and have a chance once again to be controlled by Her. i have learned from my mistakes and will be a better slave now.
i am not sure what the new rules are and of course i do not dare asking or questioning Her. i guess i will find out soon and i know that it will not be pleasant for me. For now i have been instructed to blog everyday, no to touch my cock at all (despite being over a month with no orgasm and over a week since my last milking) and buy 2 pairs of laced lady nickers..........