I did it again !

it is a sad blog as i have to report that once again i have left Mistress down. i have forgot to follow a simple instruction such as blogging once again despite having the time and opportunity to do it. Why? Simply because i am not a good slave. Clearly i am still having difficulties in following orders especially when i don't like them. it is something that i recognise is lacking in me as a slave and i really wish i could change, be trained, learned to do it. Obviously wanting this is not enough as i keep slacking when i have the chance. Having Mistress to control and check on me (this is my first real experience with a woman having so much control and check on me) is definitely pushing me in the right direction. My only experiences with Mistress so far where with occasional professionals and at most 1 night events. In such circumstances there wasn't much chance for me not to follow orders (whatever i like them or not). Once i was back into my routine and life without a Mistress to check on me........ i could pretty much do whatever i wanted. i am now learning that if i want to be a good slave i need to ..... follow orders. As simple as that. i need to do what i am told. i need to learn that and be good at that. Mistress punishments will definitely push me in the right direction too as Mistress can be very strict and severe when needed. i know that She doesn't forget and there is no chance in talking Her out of it. She is also a smart woman and i cannot foll Her. As i am appreciating this i now know that there is no way around. Again, i need to do as i am told, no other way. The punishments inflicted as harsh and i got the feeling that they are escalating in intensity as now 3 more points have been deducted from my bonus (i was at 9 and now at 4.......this is nearly bringing tears to my eyes) and i blow my chance of an orgasm........ Hell knows when it will be next. A part from letting Mistress down and the punishment that i will have to deal with, i need to find a way to motivate me to follow orders when i don't like them. i suppose, practise will make me improve like for everything and as we go along my commitment is stronger and more and more sincere. i really hope i can show that to Mistress. i know that i shouldn't look at the good things that i have done as they may sound like excuses but it is a way to remind me that i am progress in the right direction (although taking some steps back occasionally). i did buy 6 pair of thong (i have never ever bought women clothes for me before and i didn't particularly enjoyed it doing it) and i am wearing them day and night constantly (although it was exciting initially, i am now left with discomfort and unpracticality for more than a month). i know they are only small things and i shouldn't blow my own trumpet but i hope these are signs of my commitment and will motivate me to improve as i indeed like when i am controlled by Mistress and when i can make Her happy and proud of me.