Poisoned

My slave life recently has been............well fantastic.
Since Mistress has agreed to give a second chance and see if i indeed have learned from my mistakes and can improve enough to be worthy of serving Mistress and somehow amuse and please Her.....i have discovered new submissiveness levels that i never imagined.
It has only been a week since i have been again under Mistress power but i have already been pushed deep into subspace and hope i have amused Mistress a little bit. Not sure if its the over 40 days without an orgasm, the prolonged lack of any sexual touch of my cock, the wearing of the laced thong or (most likely) Mistress personality, but i cannot stop thinking about Her. My mind is constantly thinking about way i could please Her, how i could show Her that i am worthy of Her, what can i do to please and amuse Her. i wish indeed that i could be closer and be of some real life use from running some errands, to house chores, massaging Her at the end of the day or present my ass for a good spanking or even a harsh strap on session. i have to stop my mind from dreaming and bring it back on earth where i am far away from the Lady i wish to serve and worship every second of my life. i guess that is why i feel "poisoned" by Mistress personality and power. She got under my skin and combined to Her strict but fair power...........well She is indeed moulding me.

Today is day 41 withount an orgasm and this morning i was nearly in tears as i really really wanted to stroke it. i think i could hear my cock crying for attention as it was bright red and pulsing. i didn't even touched it. As a matter of fact i even went to the toilette like a girl (also the thong don't help in this) sitting on the toilette and lowering my half hard cock. i really feel like i am getting close (very close to my limits) and i need to release some cum but both my stroking permission and moreover milking time are far away..........orgams then....... is light years away. i know well that i have screw things up in the past when i was allowed to orgasm and i know that Mistress is aware of that and has a well set up plan to correct this bad habit of mine. All this means that i probably will never have an orgasm again......at least not a fully free one. This is a thought that i have been trying to push away from me but the reality is slowly sinking in and the idea of never ever experiencing a full orgasm where i am in complete control is both killing and exiting me. i just have to wait and discover what Mistress has in store for me. i completely trust Her and She know best.......i am a better man and a better slave when She in control so i shoudl stop thinking about this and just do as i am told concentrating on Her pleasure and amusement instead of my cock and blue balls. And that is what i intend to do.
So how else can i please my Mistress? Blogs, flowers and pictures are delivered to Her daily but i want to do more. Unfortunately being so far away is very limiting but i'll make this my priority for the week-end: finding an other way to please and amuse Mistress. Maybe even asking suggestions on forums and other femdom blogs that i follow.