The fuck up

First post of the new series as.........well yes i fucked up.
Despite having found a wonderful Lady, perfect in every meaning of the word, the superior Lady which i have always dreamt of (authoritarian, strict but fair, with sense of humour, understanding but inflexible, with experience and who genuinely enjoy Her using and controlling a man), i managed to ruin it all. Everything was perfect, She had took complete control of my orgasms and my dick telling me every day what i should do and what i wasn't allowed to do. i had no voice and no idea of what Her plans and intentions were. It may sound like hell but that was what i have been looking for and i loved every minute of it. I also had a chastity belt and i was very much looking forward to use it. Mistress however granted me permission to orgasm as many times as i wanted after over a month of chastity and before i was to lock myself in the belt. i remember that night clearly as i masturbated all night long. i must have cum 7-10 time.... i genuinely lost count of it. i fell asleep exhausted with cum all over my cock, legs and stomach. When i was up next morning not just my libido was gone but also my desire to serve. i felt drained and moreover disinterested in locking myself again in the chastity program under Mistress control. Although i respected Mistress very much i couldn't force myself to go back to Her and moreover to talk to Her. i was so "over all this" than i even throw away the chastity belt (£100 for 2 days of play).

i have been an ass for several reasons.
First and foremost, i acted as a rude asshole. i still cannot believe that i didn't even contacted and discussed all this with Mistress. That was unforgetable and deserved the harshest of punishments. i do worship the woman gender and i am still shocked that i act like that towards Mistress. i will never forget myself and no punishment will ever be enough for the pain caused to Her.
Second, if i only think about how long i have been searching for a Mistress like that, how many times i have been disappointed, dumped, hurt........... how could i let a Lady like that go actually pushing Her away? That is the ultimate idiotic thing i could do.


As time went by, i slowly but surely realised what i did, what a mistake and how much pain and trouble i had caused. i am still ashamed of myself and upset with myself. The only explanation that i may have is that the emotional up and down of a long chastity together with a night of free orgasm drove me crazy. To me this is the ultimate proof that i am not worthy of my cock. i should not be in control of it as i am a much better person/slave when a Lady is in control of it and tells me what to do, when and how. Not sure if this means that i shouldn't be allowed to orgam ever again (hope not) but clearly i should be let in total control as i may do/say things that i will than regret but moreover may hurt people.

It seems that Mistress may give me a second chance. We have started to talk again and i am determined to do what it takes to win back Her trust and have a chance once again to be controlled by Her. i have learned from my mistakes and will be a better slave now.
i am not sure what the new rules are and of course i do not dare asking or questioning Her. i guess i will find out soon and i know that it will not be pleasant for me. For now i have been instructed to blog everyday, no to touch my cock at all (despite being over a month with no orgasm and over a week since my last milking) and buy 2 pairs of laced lady nickers..........